single parenting

Today's lift-me-up from A Deeper Story

"The truth? 90% of the time, I am completely unaware that I’m doing this alone. I’m convinced it’s because parenting is beauty and magic, wonder and independence, slamming doors and weepy conversations. Single parenting is not hard because I’m single. It’s hard because it’s parenting. The same way it’s hard for my sister who has eight kids and a loving, doting, present husband. When we talk, our conversations are not comparing my single parenting to her married parenting. When we talk, we are talking about how to get five year olds to eat the food you put in front of them. Parenting is not measured in the amount of hands and bodies, but in the depth of heart and presence.
No one really plans on becoming a single mom or dad. It’s not like we who are walking this road schemed this up. So when it comes, and the questions are asked at bedtime and around the dinner table, I remind my daughter that while we cannot change how our family looks right now, we can look at the family we have right now. This dance of hearts, questions, energy, growing. This is just life — parenting is hard whether you are married with 10 kids, married with two, divorced with one, etc. Raising a person to be a nice and hopefully God-fearing adult someday is no small task."

sleep

JD didn't sleep for the first 6 months of his life, and Maia was recovering from back surgery during months 7 and 8 and didn't sleep particularly well. So I didn't sleep for 8 months....almost killed me I think, but, after that they slept miraculously. Like clockwork. Amazing. Wonderful nappers, great at night, etc etc etc.

Until their 3rd birthday.

The weather? Their age? Too much SoCal sunshine? I don't know, but heaven help me, these two got their energy genes from their mother and all of a sudden they seem to have awakened. I have a ton of energy (amplified by a mild diet coke addiction) and hate sleeping. I can run 10 miles, stay up late and get up early, and go weeks without a break. But I am no match for these two energizer bunnies.

The new name of the game is Wear Them Out. Watch out world, because if these two coordinate their combined energies and direct it toward you, they are going to take over. No longer interested in napping, no longer interested in sitting still - we are looking for 12 hours each day of bike riding, swimming, playing at the park, running races, hitting T-balls, playing tennis, high-energy Simon Says and hopefully, hopefully, hopefully crashing at 8:30!

silly chicken

We were having a train-building marathon tonight on the living room floor and I told Miss Maia that she was a "silly goose." Didn't everyone's mom used to say that to them?

She didn't miss a beat and responded "No, Mama, I a silly chicken. You a silly goose."

Where do they come up with this stuff?!? You can't make it up, I absolutely love this talking stage we're in. Toddlers are hilarious.

One of these days when I have spare time (ha) I am going to make them baby books and I will want to write that in it. So there it is, permanently on my list of things not to forget (blog).

Getting out of the way

Beaches are the best in the winter in CA - plenty warm enough and deserted compared to the summers filled with tourists. So yesterday we went to one of the best beaches for toddlers because there is a half mile of sand before water (i.e. I can catch them easily if they run off, LONG before they get anywhere near the water). I attempted to be on "kid time" and just let them set the speed for the morning, which is why we spent two full hours on the pier. I was done by about 1.5 hours into the pier adventure and my "kid time" idea was over and it took me another 30 minutes to herd them back toward the car. :-)

Fist extended stop: Watching the volleyball players and surfers. Mama really enjoyed watching the volleyball players as well (if you are female and have seen the men who play beach volleyball, you know what I mean). :-)

 Second extended stop? The store with all these windmill things. The kids were OBSESSED. And then of course the reward for the long walk out, ice cream at Ruby's. :-)

Inspired by my newest parenting book read:

"...Even as toddlers and preschoolers, children need to feel as if they own their experiences. Tey need to be let out in the yard to discover worms and flowers, to pick up a snail, and yes, to eat dirt...They need to be free to make their own discoveries....We have to be there for our kids. At the same time, we have to get the hell out of the way."

-Gabrielle Reece, "My Foot is Too Big for the Glass Slipper"

*Side note: My kids take the best naps the day AFTER a big outing. So I am reaping HUGE rewards today while they are sleeping very soundly. :-)

Talking

Sometimes Maia will not stop talking. Here is an example of what comes out of her mouth, and yes, it is often in random order and only halfway decipherable but I will leave out the jibberish parts.

"Mama! Big hug mama. I ride horse! Wif Dora! You ride camel like Diego. Go fast, really fast. OH NO! There a wolf coming. I gonna get you, I gonna get you wolf....tickle tickle tickle! I want raisins. I do myself. JD NO! NO! JD! NO! Where Debbi? I go in Mama's car. I drive. I sit Mama's side. JD what you doing?

Where Gretchen? Leah? Jamma Baby? Jasmine? (*Note: her treasured babies) No, I do myself.

I want go see Shamu. I want take bath. Mama, me watch Dora? Watch show? Dora! One wif horse. I wook out window and what I see, popcorn....Where my horse? No, purple horse. I have ice. Mama may I milk pease? JD NO! NO! JD! JD NO! I talk grandma on puter. I talk Papa puter. I go airplane with Kay-Kay. I see dog. Mama ride el-phant wif me. I go upstairs Mama, I take nap. Mama take nap wif me. Where Gretchen? Leah? Jasmine? WHERE MY HORSE? Guess what? Mama what you doing?"

New hilarious material every day. Love it.

My Little LMMer

I've been active this year on a Facebook group of about 70 other parents of lipomyelomeningocele children. They abbreviate the condition LMM. Through this group I have learned that there are families all over the world dealing with the unknowns of this condition; that there are a lot of toddlers needing significant help/intervention to learn how to walk (Maia has had zero problems with this);  and that the traumatic experience of her diagnosis and her two surgeries (one untethering, one to clean out a bad infection) are not uncommon and many other parents have almost identical experiences. It's been really great to connect with other parents and hear their stories.

We just had our annual checkup with her neurosurgeon. She looks great! She is doing incredibly well. Hopefully now that she is talking more and more, she will be able to communicate symptoms that she is experiencing and alert us to a need for another surgery before there are any irreversible problems (like loss of bladder control). Some kids need additional surgeries to prevent further problems, some don't, and her doctor said there is really no way to predict which is which. Living with that unknown has made me realize that none of us really know when something will happen that will irreversibly change us, and the practical realities of living by faith day to day. Maia might have health problems from her condition, she might not. As I watch parents with their kids at CHOC when we are at these appointments, I realize that any of us may be in their shoes someday - I'm just more aware of that vulnerability because my daughter has a diagnosed condition.

She got the green light to work on potty training (just bought what is hopefully my last box of diapers!), jumping on the trampoline, running, jumping, and being a normal kid. She was talking about Papa's boat during her appointment and it turns out her neurosurgeon is a fan of sailing so she especially got the green light to enjoy the ocean. :) With a life jacket of course.

thanksgiving

Utah....family, friends, four naps, five books, and a little bit of winter. 2013 has been one of those years that didn't kill me, so I must be stronger (right?), so it was nice to spend a week away from it all. And let's face it, there's nothing that will make you feel more thankful than spending an entire week having your mom take care of you and your two darling toddlers. :-)

 

 Drinking hot chocolate and watching the lights come on for the first time this season at Temple Square. The kids loved it while their attention span lasted.

 Watching the nativity with Grandpa

 I have so many memories as a kid at the cabin....so excited to share snowy winter wonderland with the twinners. They weren't thrilled about the snow when we were there last January but liked it a lot better this time, mostly thanks to the new gloves Grandma bought. :-) There wasn't a ton of snow but we're from CA now so even a few inches is fun.

 My Thanksgiving turkey. Don't worry, we didn't eat this one.

 How lucky am I that one of my best friends flew down and met me in UT for Thanksgiving? We had a great time and the only downside was I missed her more than ever when she left to go back home. :-(

 JD trying to pull me in the sled with a little help from Grandpa. :-) He is so dang strong, give him a few years and he'll really be pulling me all by himself.

Gorgeous. My family has been coming up here since the 1950s. No cell reception, no land line, no internet, no city lights...there are not many places in the world like this anymore.  

 A boy and his sled. "I do myself, Mama." And he did.....

Having fun with Grandpa